{"id":334,"date":"2026-06-07T06:07:30","date_gmt":"2026-06-07T06:07:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nationallogisticspost.com\/?p=334"},"modified":"2026-06-07T06:07:30","modified_gmt":"2026-06-07T06:07:30","slug":"the-valvoline-incident-romance-in-the-age-of-public-shaming","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nationallogisticspost.com\/?p=334","title":{"rendered":"The Valvoline Incident: Romance in the Age of Public Shaming"},"content":{"rendered":"
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R<\/span>ecently, a woman got an oil change at Valvoline. This mundane event became much more significant after one of the mechanics clumsily texted her number to call her pretty, and <\/span>she posted<\/span> the <\/span>message on X<\/span>, along with the caption \u201cSo because I got an oil change you think it\u2019s ok to save my phone number to text me? This is beyond creepy \u2026 I\u2019ll be reporting this.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Read more America\u2019s War on Men<\/a><\/p>\n

This post has dominated discussion on the platform formerly known as Twitter for the past two days. Or at least it\u2019s done so in the place that matters most: my feed. This discourse has been, predictably, high minded and civil.<\/span><\/p>\n

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For men, getting rejected sucks; getting rejected rudely sucks even more. Learning how to take it on the chin and move on is a life lesson.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n

Ha, made you look, didn\u2019t I? No, everyone lost their minds.<\/span><\/p>\n

While this interaction has been a massive net negative for both parties to it (aside from the oil change, which appears to have been satisfactory), it says something worth discussing about our dating culture and <\/span>the fundamentally anti-social<\/span> character it\u2019s taken on. This anti-romantic outlook manifests on both dimensions of reaction to this post. On the one hand, you have the feminist-coded narrative that men are bad and are gross pigs for even thinking about talking to women. On the other, you have the redpill\/manosphere-coded narrative that women are shaming good and decent men for no reason at all and that dating is simply not worth it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Many of the manosphere types have said something to the effect of: if she was into the guy, the invasion of privacy wouldn\u2019t have mattered. Perhaps not. But you have to judge things by their fruits. She obviously wasn\u2019t receptive to the approach, and therefore the invasion of privacy does matter. There\u2019s nothing inherently wrong with taking half court shots if that\u2019s your only option, but don\u2019t be surprised when you miss. And when there are consequences for you missing, you\u2019d best think about if the shot is worth taking.<\/span><\/p>\n

Furthermore, this would have been highly taboo even under the best circumstances. If hitting on somebody while they\u2019re at work is sketchy because they\u2019re a captive audience, hitting on somebody <\/span>while you\u2019re at work<\/span><\/i> is even moreso, because you\u2019re risking offending a potential customer. That doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t. But it does mean that if you\u2019re going to, you better not fail. And, it should go without saying, taking this woman\u2019s number from work for personal use was a legitimate invasion of privacy.<\/span><\/p>\n

This was a bad approach, in other words. It was high risk, because of the socially taboo setting, and low reward, because there wasn\u2019t any prior indication of interest on her part and no particular reason to think she\u2019d be receptive. I\u2019m sure there is a \u201chow I met your mother\u201d story out there that went something like this, but that\u2019s obviously not this case. Indeed, it appears the consequences for the individual could be quite dire: in addition to posting his texts on social media, the woman in question <\/span>reached out to his employer<\/span> to, presumably, try to get him disciplined or fired.<\/span><\/p>\n

Even absent the social shaming and knowledge of how it turned out, I would have likely let discretion be the better part of valor in this instance. If our mechanic friend still insisted on making a move, however, the best time and place to do it was in person. I would have advised him to try a light flirt with some plausible deniability, see how it lands, and decide whether and how to move forward from there.<\/span><\/p>\n

Therein, however, lies the problem: I suspect this fellow had no idea how to do that, struggled to work up the courage to do so, or maybe even didn\u2019t realize that was the proper etiquette. That\u2019s why I feel for him. Not because he did the right thing, or because this was a good and respectful way of approaching. He didn\u2019t, and it wasn\u2019t. But I\u2019ve been an awkward guy who\u2019s made passes at women that, in retrospect, were stupid and cringeworthy. I wouldn\u2019t presume to say that <\/span>I\u2019m some sort of expert<\/span>, but I\u2019ve learned through repeated, painful trial and error that to be good at something, you have to be bad at it first.<\/span><\/p>\n

The most basic ethical rule I can give is that men should be direct. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Women, if not interested for whatever reason, should be firm but also polite. This is a basic pro-social behavior because <\/span>so many men are scared to talk to women<\/span> these days. If you\u2019re rude to him, you\u2019re much more likely to make him gun shy about ever trying it again. There\u2019s probably some woman out there who\u2019d be quite happy with him, if not now, then sometime in the future, and you\u2019re doing both of them a disservice if you make them less likely to connect.<\/span><\/p>\n

Read more The Man Who Spoke for Britain, the Man Who Spoke for France<\/a><\/p>\n

Even if you think he\u2019s otherwise repulsive, if he\u2019s respectful about it, being rude to him is the romantic equivalent of bullying a fat person at the gym. At least he\u2019s trying, which is more than most people can say. There\u2019s no need to choose between letting someone down and being gentle. Looking for love is a good thing! We should be encouraging people to do good things, even if they\u2019re not the right fit for us. And men, obviously, should be graceful and accept when it happens, as it surely will if you don\u2019t live under a rock.<\/span><\/p>\n

When one party violates the format laid out above, only then should it be \u201cacceptable\u201d to defect in kind. Even then, most of the time it\u2019s best not to. Rudeness and creepiness suck, but they just as often come from a place of ignorance as they do malice. It therefore pays to be charitable even when somebody oversteps the lines in some small way. It certainly can\u2019t hurt you.<\/span><\/p>\n

For men, getting rejected sucks; getting rejected rudely sucks even more. Learning how to take it on the chin and move on is a life lesson that, unfortunately, you have to learn the hard way. It can happen for all sorts of reasons <\/span>outside of your control<\/span> and that have absolutely nothing to do with you. Sometimes it has to do with things you can control: your confidence, fitness, fashion, or what-have-you. Or maybe she just thinks you\u2019re ugly; happens to the best of us. Chin up and have some dignity, and even if the absolute worst comes to pass and you get shamed online, the only thing fair-minded observers will see is a good guy acting admirably.<\/span><\/p>\n

While this mechanic was certainly being creepy, to my eyes his message indicates a lack of courtship understanding rather than any sort of danger. While this was a terrible way for him to \u201cshoot his shot,\u201d as he said, in my view the better thing to do was either ignore the message or send a polite \u201csorry, but no thank you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Many feminists might argue right about here that the stakes for men and women are different: men are worried about being emotionally hurt, while women are worried about being physically hurt. How could anyone possibly say that women are part of the problem here?<\/span><\/p>\n

For one, this advice is good for women as well, even those narrowly focused on that objection. While no good man would ever hurt a woman for being rudely rejected, there are plenty of bad men out there, and being polite could make the difference to one teetering on the edge. As to the others, women should carry guns or, <\/span>where liberals make that impractical<\/span>, pepper spray.<\/span><\/p>\n

And for the good men, it takes a terribly twisted moral compass to rationalize that because you can be rude to them, it\u2019s fine to do so. One of my least favorite catchphrases of modern life is that \u201cnobody owes you anything.\u201d In an abstract sense possibly not, though there is an irony that many of the people who speak the loudest about how their politics are based around empathy and say \u201cit\u2019s called being a heckin\u2019 good person\u201d ad nauseam turn into the most pitiless, doctrinaire libertarians whenever social relations are concerned.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The problem with the phrase is that humans are social creatures, and the premise behind it is fundamentally anti-social. If we are going to be a society, a polity, a civilization, or whatever else you want to call it, we do owe each other something. Not romantic relationships; don\u2019t lump me in with those polyamorous types. But what we owe to others is kindness, or at least politeness, unless and until they breach the social contract. And if a polite, civilized approach by a man to a woman is classified as such, then humanity will cease to exist in short order.<\/span><\/p>\n

The mechanic who sent that text deserved to be rejected. He crossed an ethical line, and it ought to have been a learning experience for him. However, it seems likely that his punishment will be draconian. Rather than learning a lesson in proper etiquette when dealing with the opposite sex, what he\u2019s likely to take away is that an awkward or clumsy approach will be punished ferociously. It wouldn\u2019t surprise me if he were to conclude what far too many young people already have: looking for love just isn\u2019t worth the trouble.<\/span><\/p>\n

Read more Washington\u2019s Valley Forge Prayer<\/a><\/p>\n

READ MORE from Stephan Kapustka:<\/strong><\/p>\n

How the Author of\u00a0Jurassic Park<\/i>\u00a0Foresaw the Dangers of AI Chatbots<\/strong><\/p>\n

John Cornyn\u2019s Original Sin<\/strong><\/p>\n

Exclusive: Virginia Republicans Slam Spanberger\u2019s Gun Ban, Pledge to Repeal It<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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