{"id":1034,"date":"2026-07-18T06:07:26","date_gmt":"2026-07-18T06:07:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nationallogisticspost.com\/?p=1034"},"modified":"2026-07-18T06:07:26","modified_gmt":"2026-07-18T06:07:26","slug":"food-selfies-the-great-summer-show-off","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nationallogisticspost.com\/?p=1034","title":{"rendered":"Food Selfies: The Great Summer Show-Off"},"content":{"rendered":"
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W<\/span>e\u2019re in an era where eating a burger isn\u2019t really eating \u2014 it\u2019s about getting the perfect photo. When you go to a restaurant, you have to take pictures of the place, the bill, and the main dishes; importantly, a couple of them have to be of you, with your mouth full and looking like you\u2019re having an orgasm. If you just go to a restaurant and eat the burger, I\u2019ve been told, you\u2019re a boomer, a loser, a hippie, and maybe even a social terrorist. I know this bothers you as much as it bothers me. Nobody wants to be a social terrorist, especially not because of a burger. So I\u2019m here to help you sort things out. Here\u2019s how you should eat this summer:<\/span><\/p>\n

Read more Modern-Day Snake Oil in the Wellness Aisle<\/a><\/p>\n

Where to Eat<\/strong><\/h2>\n

The important thing is to eat somewhere with plenty of light. There are idiots who eat in dark places and use one of those ring lights for photos and videos, but then they look like ghosts in the middle of the night. And ghosts don\u2019t eat. That\u2019s the only thing I remember from my childhood nightmares: ghosts didn\u2019t scare me because they can\u2019t eat, not even children. Try to eat somewhere well-lit, and if possible, make sure it\u2019s a restaurant. Hair salons are bright, but the lunch special isn\u2019t as good.<\/span><\/p>\n

The Menu<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Modern cuisine is full of little details \u2014 you know, powdered chicken claws, crab-shell moss spheres, squid ink droplets, and things like that. But none of that shows up in a photo. So my advice is to choose something more basic: a regular burger looks good and is highly photogenic. Otherwise, the essential thing is that the menu is expensive: remember that you\u2019re putting on this whole show to get the owner to pay the bill in exchange for your amazing social media publicity.<\/span><\/p>\n

The Close-Up<\/strong><\/h2>\n

When you take a photo or video of your burger, remember that the only thing that\u2019s useful for your social media is the close-up. In other words, the spot where you took the first bite needs to be so close to the camera that your DNA molecules are clearly visible sliding through the melted cheese.<\/span><\/p>\n

Read more The Road to Serfdom Has an EU Exit Ramp<\/a><\/p>\n

The Crunch<\/strong><\/h2>\n

If you\u2019re recording a video, the important thing is that whatever you\u2019re eating crunches, crackles, or makes a ripping sound when you cut it in half. The trend with burgers is to hold one right up to the camera with both hands and slice it in two, making an absolute racket while a million meat fibers and strands of melted cheese slowly pull apart. If you think the image still isn\u2019t disgusting enough, zoom in even closer so the viewer literally eats your demolished burger. Don\u2019t joke about this: the people who make these videos consider cutting a burger an almost sexual experience.<\/span><\/p>\n

The Face of Satisfaction<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Perhaps because of the above, when they film themselves taking a bite, they make a point of displaying such an extraordinary and fake expression of pleasure that it\u2019s impossible to achieve while eating \u2014 unless, at the exact same moment, you\u2019re getting a miraculous notification from the IRS telling you that you won\u2019t have to pay taxes for the next three years.<\/span><\/p>\n

Read more Real and Imagined Benefits of Trump Accounts<\/a><\/p>\n

Captions to Accompany Your Instagram Story If You Liked the Burger<\/strong><\/h2>\n
    \n
  • My nutritionist unfollowed me. #FatButHappy<\/span><\/li>\n
  • I came for dinner, and somehow I left a better person. #HappyWorld<\/span><\/li>\n
  • Can I marry the chef? #LoveAtFirstBite<\/span><\/li>\n
  • This burger has made better decisions in life than I have. #Confessions<\/span><\/li>\n
  • I finally understand why men invented fire. #SexyStoves<\/span><\/li>\n
  • There won\u2019t be a TikTok Live today. I\u2019ve lost all sense of time, I\u2019ve died and come back to life, I\u2019ve been reborn, I\u2019m in Heaven, long live beef, long live melted cheese, long live ketchup, and long live the mother who gave birth to this chef! #Ecstasy<\/span><\/li>\n
  • I didn\u2019t go out for dinner today. I took part in a historic event on the scale of the Normandy landings or the fall of the Berlin Wall. #ThisBurgerIsAnEmpire<\/span><\/li>\n
  • This burger should have the right to vote. #BurgersMatter<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    Captions to Accompany Your Instagram Story If You Didn\u2019t Like It<\/strong><\/h2>\n
      \n
    • That poor cow didn\u2019t deserve this. #Disgusting<\/span><\/li>\n
    • Why? #ExistentialQuestions<\/span><\/li>\n
    • This burger is like a shady ex-girlfriend: it\u2019s taught me to appreciate every other burger. #Advantages<\/span><\/li>\n
    • The cheese looked like it was there against its will. #FreeTheCheese<\/span><\/li>\n
    • An unforgettable experience. Unfortunately. #Nightmares<\/span><\/li>\n
    • I loved the menu. It was clearly designed for Guantanamo. #Prisoners<\/span><\/li>\n
    • This burger needs a lawyer. #BurgersInTrouble<\/span><\/li>\n
    • And the chef needs a bodyguard. #ChefInTrouble<\/span><\/li>\n
    • The cow did everything she could. #HangTheChefs\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
    • Dude, why don\u2019t you try taking the rat out of the recipe? #EpicFail<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

      READ MORE from Itxu D\u00edaz:<\/strong><\/p>\n

      The West Is a Superior Civilization (And I Don\u2019t Care If That Offends You)<\/strong><\/p>\n

      The Summer of Deadly, Mind-Numbing Pop-Ups<\/strong><\/p>\n

      A Gender Crisis the UN Won\u2019t Touch<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      A most wonderful article<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1033,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[89],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1034","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-summer-satire"],"yoast_head":"\nFood Selfies: The Great Summer Show-Off - National Logistics Post<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nationallogisticspost.com\/?p=1034\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Food Selfies: The Great Summer Show-Off - National Logistics Post\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"A most wonderful article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nationallogisticspost.com\/?p=1034\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"National Logistics Post\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-07-18T06:07:26+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nationallogisticspost.com\\\/?p=1034#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nationallogisticspost.com\\\/?p=1034\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nationallogisticspost.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/af6e6ad9b3cf5bfe495dc5541ee6a5cc\"},\"headline\":\"Food Selfies: The Great Summer Show-Off\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-07-18T06:07:26+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nationallogisticspost.com\\\/?p=1034\"},\"wordCount\":870,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nationallogisticspost.com\\\/?p=1034#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nationallogisticspost.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/2183d61e097b408c215055c34fd19be2.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Summer Satire\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/nationallogisticspost.com\\\/?p=1034#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nationallogisticspost.com\\\/?p=1034\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/nationallogisticspost.com\\\/?p=1034\",\"name\":\"Food Selfies: The Great Summer Show-Off - 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